The Hand I was Dealt: Playing with an Ace of Spades

             Hello, Lovelies! It has been a while yet again, but I'm really excited about this series of posts I'm sending your way starting today. This series is going to be called E.M. or Emilie's Makeup. No, it's not some beauty tutorial or a look inside of my "paint bucket" (aka make up bag), it's a two part series that will allow me to describe a certain aspect of myself in one article and then what I believe about said aspect biblically and conviction wise in another article. This will allow me to be raw and real about myself. Maybe you will be able to relate to my uniqueness, or maybe this might just grow you and allow you to cope with the uniqueness of others. I hope this allows you to see me in a different light, and more importantly, I hope this sheds light and awareness on some things that are important and close to me. Let's plunge into the unknown, shall we?

         My Sexuality

         This particular article is something I have been ruminating on, writing and rewriting for about a month now. I wondered how this would be interpreted. I questioned if people would misunderstand me based on this; and to answer my own little question, OF COURSE they will, and that's ok. The truth is often misunderstood, but that doesn't alter the fact that it's still the truth. If you are reading this though, please be open to this truth about me. Please try to think outside of social norms, and your own experiences if they are not congruent with what I am trying to convey. Also, try to educate yourself and be open to learning about something that you don't understand. If by chance you DO relate to this, then that's awesome, just know that my beliefs might make my understanding of this attribute we share a tad different than what is conventionally out there, but I am still a friendly, even if we may disagree on the details.
         I could continue to try to ease into this revelation, or I could just boldly declare it and then back-pedal an inch at a time; I prefer the latter. Everyone, I am asexual. Now that the suspense has been lifted and replaced by a surge of panic induced adrenaline in the hearts of my peers and loved ones, let me explain what this means, doesn't mean and what it all means concerning me personally:

What is Asexuality?

       Before I proceed, let me clarify that I am not saying that I utilize photosynthesis and bud like a plant for the means of reproduction. If you see me sunbathing for relaxation purposes, I am not producing glucose and branching off into rose buds (even though I think that's a beautiful idea). Forget that biological definition, because I am not some kind of sci-fi movie plot.

       Asexuality is defined as the absence of sexual (physical) attraction. Let's break down this word for further explanation: the prefix "a-", derived from the Greek to mean "away from", and the Latin to mean "not" or "away from", and the word "sexual", a descriptive adjective referencing a being as having the drive to participate in sexual activities (in this context).  To clarify, this means that when I see someone, I do not relate to them based on any kind of sexual feeling, tension, chemistry etc... I have never experienced physical attraction with anyone. I know that seems baffling because everything in society seems sex-based or sex-motivated. Asexuality means that an individual has no initial drive/want/need to sexually (i.e. physically) join/play with/fantasize/experiment with anyone. By "want" I'm not referencing  deciding or choosing not to participate sexually based on principle or preference as in celibacy, but literally not reacting sexually to others. I have never met someone and physically reacted to them. I have never been in close proximity with a guy and felt physically drawn to them for that purpose. I have never seen a physical attribute of another person that has made me experience physical desire or lust. I have never experienced the "magic" of what a kiss is supposed to make you feel or awaken in you. That is all that means. I am not a sexual person. I am not sexually attracted to guys or girls. I am not confused. There is nothing physically wrong with me (believe me, I investigated this). I have not been sexually traumatized into feeling this way, I am still a virgin in every sense of the word. I simply have no desire to do the dirty, and that's ok!

     Sex isn't the only attractive thing in the world. If you are sexual, that's perfectly ok and natural, but there are other forms of attraction that co-exist with and outside of sexual attraction. The main identified types of attraction are sexual, aesthetic, and romantic. Aesthetic attraction is the idea of being drawn to someone or something because of its beauty. For example, I find the statue of "David" beautiful because I am drawn to the amazing elegance and strength of the lines in the statue's body, but I am also drawn to David Beckham for the same reason. Aesthetic attraction is the pull you feel to a painting, a style of clothing, a song, a sunset or the beauty of another person. It is not sexual. A sexual person can find a person beautiful without being sexually attracted to them; that too is aesthetic attraction. This is where it may get a little muddy, but bear with me, and I will try to explain. Romantic attraction is the draw or pull to be in a romantic relationship with someone, and this too is not always aligned with sexual attraction. This is the "in-love" feeling. Some asexuals (ace for short) do feel romantic attraction, the draw to emotional intimacy and commitment to another person, and some do not. Those that do not refer to themselves as "aromantic" (aero for short). I have only felt what I best understand as romantic attraction once in my life, it is not something that happens to me usually. This may describe my title: in the asexual community, the ace of spades is symbolic of the aromantic asexuals, and the ace of hearts is used to represent the romantic asexuals (I'm not strictly either because of that one time, but I more closely relate to aromantic and I needed a catchy title). Just remember, sex without commitment happens all the time, but commitment without sex happens also.

Fun Facts:

1.) Some asexuals have sex and like it, and some don't. To put it bluntly, the initial desire isn't there but the equipment still works, but just because you have the equipment doesn't mean you have to use it either. Some aces choose to have sex for procreation, to meet the needs of their partner, out of curiosity or not at all. Me personally, I'm a virgin so.... you decide.

2.) Some asexuals want relationships and some don't. I know it's shocking to think of anyone not allured by sexuality wanting a relationship, but sex isn't the only purpose behind exclusive partnership. Some aces however, are perfectly satisfied with friendships.  I don't know if a relationship is for me, but I'm open to whatever God may call me to.

3.) Some asexuals are Christians, and some aren't. This is a universal thing people! We need more individuals from different creeds and backgrounds to speak out and explain their stories. You aren't dysfunctional because you aren't horny. Your lack or presence of desire doesn't signify your closeness or distance from God. You don't have to be an agnostic hipster to identify as ace. I love Jesus, but the only fruit I'm excited about multiplying is the kind that grows on trees.


     Basically, all asexuals are humans, and we have preferences and make choices. This isn't something ridiculously extreme, it isn't unnatural and it isn't a sin. This is who I am and there is nothing wrong with that. Being asexual has been a huge gift in my life in hindsight. I am able to love without the hardships that often come with sexuality. I am able to give council platonically. I am able to see past gender roles and biases. I am whole. I am not broken. No, it's not that I haven't found the right one. This is me, I have accepted it, and I know God is going to show me what he has for me, because I was created this way for a reason.

    I hope this is clear enough to be understood, I know this is probably very confusing but I hope you read this with an open mind. Soon I will post my biblical convictions on this topic and hopefully it will clarify. If anyone has any questions please message me.


   Blessings.